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The New Mafia
Investigations have revealed that the pretty poppies who adorn corporate offices are not only nice to look at but vicious violent criminals who control Nepal's corporate world between their manicured nails.
Police sleuths recently uncovered what they have termed as the “biggest crime syndicate in corporate Nepal ’ known as the MISS – Mafia in Short Skirts. This Mafia has, according to the sleuths, spun a web of deceit, treachery and crime around the corporate world, affecting every office of Nepal , especially the bank and finance companies.
Police spokesman SSP Jamadar Kattel informed that he has forwarded the findings to higher authorities and said: “The emergence of this syndicate has disturbed us all. As men we are no longer safe to act as men are meant to. We have taken a zero tolerance approach and investigations are being conducted to establish the identities of those involved. Meanwhile, we urge the busy businessmen to take precautions. Extreme situations call for extreme measures. Keep close eyes on all the cherries working for you and, if you need help, call us. We will try to get to the bosom of this matter.”
Suspicions of corporate sabotage and unfair play erupted after the stocks of a bank unexpectedly crumbled to an all time low. Investigations have determined that the day before the crash, the company CEO had been unfairly accused of adultery after his wife walked into his office and found him ‘resuscitating’ his secretary who had choked on her Banana Chappie.
Mortified, he ran after his wife to explain, while barking orders to his deputies to have the topless secretary evicted from the company.
The Chappie also explained his actions, “Flossy had come to the office to present her demand for promotion to me and started demonstrating her oral skills. Then suddenly she was choked on me. I tried to beat it out of her. After about ten minutes of trying to clear her airways, she was still not breathing and I was all hot and sweaty.
“As I could not hold her steady to continue with the first aid, since my hands were slipping everywhere, I laid her on the floor. I had to remove my clothing in an effort to cool off before I began CPR (Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation). I then proceeded to implement the chest compressions. At that right moment, my wife walked in, misconstrued the situation, screamed and fled from the building.”
After detailed investigation, police found that the incidence was not merely an accident, but carefully planned and implemented with a military precision by MISS with Flossy as one of their operatives.
For about three months at 12 pm GMT , the following message has been appearing on the computer monitors of the CEOs: “We make your coffee, iron your pants and ensure that your wives never know where you are. Yours, MISS.” This has been sending jitters across all the CEOs who have been calling us for help, said Kattel. “These CEOs who do not respond to the message and buckle in to accept the services of MISS, have been subject to more or less similar incidents as the one involving Flossy. But the other CEOs had managed to cover up somehow and agreed to the terms of MISS in exchange of handsome payments, both in cash and kind such as promotions and perks,” he added.
To explain the situation, an emergency meeting of the special team called Business Against Crime convened where SSP Kattel further elaborated, “These MISS are vicious. Very few people realise the power they hold, they are privy to all information and gossip that flows from their loose lipped, admiring bosses. Should this information, even if it is gossip, emerge in the volatile economic climate it could mean the end of the company. Their method of attack is simple. With their short, short skirts and pretty faces they read, copy and forward all top secret information to their comrades. In the after-hours ‘encounters’ with their bosses, they pout their red lips and sway their hips to extract vital information from their innocent bosses and spread that across.”
Anyone able to provide further information about this vicious syndicate can contact SSP Kattel of the Commercial and Corporate Crimes Unit at the Monkey Gate Police Station near Butter Lane .
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