 Finding a new job
Except in banks where the vacancies are opening up and persons with the required skills are very hard to locate, finding a new job in Nepal can be a daunting challenge. But if you follow my simple 13-step plan, you'll soon get many calls for interviews.
1. Foremost is to lose any kind of job you may have.
2. Panic, freak out, and torture everyone you’ve ever met including the Maoists and the manpower agencies with your tale of woe. Bitch about your former boss, your former boss’ your lousy luck, the manipulative coworker who stole your job, the economy, and, of course, the government and the whole world.
3. Perfect the art of sleeping late and doing absolutely nothing. Tell your spouse you spent the entire week working on your resume. When the spouse says “Let me have a look on your new resume,” say you’re still fine-tuning it.
4. Start reworking on the resume.
5. Show the spouse the new resume. Parrot a plausible answer to recite in case the spouse asks “Where’s the rest of it?”
6. Apply and reply to all the vacancy announcements (including those that appear on the classified section) mentioning that you’ve been a diligent, albeit unsuccessful, little job hunter who has been job-hunting for the last ten years.
7. Revise your resume. Study more of the wanted ads. Conclude that you need to be more creative.
8. Compose catchy letters filled with all the latest lingo. Stuff them into envelopes with your new, “improved” resume.
9. Install an answering machine, lest you miss a call from an employer. Play back messages with great anticipation.
10. Put on your finest suit and show up at receptions of each and every office especially that of a multinational company.
11. Shop for new suit again. Ask spouse and parents to pose as interviewer. Practice plausible, sympathetic, yet not strictly truthful explanation of why you’ve not yet got a job.
12. Tell spouse, parents, and friends that the interviewer you saw last had encouraging words to you. Second-guess yourself. Wonder if interviewer will check references you have mentioned in your resume. Wonder if references will make things worse. Wonder if you should threaten to sue for slander. Send effusive thank you note to interviewer.
13. Wait to hear from prospective employer. Leave several phone messages. Finally reach interviewer one evening after the office time to threaten him for Bhautik Karbahi (phisical action).
If this 13-points plan doesn’t work, befriend one or two employees in one of the companies nearby your rented home. If they are working there on contract basis, this is excellent. Convince them that they have been underpaid and therefore they should join your party that is working for liberating everyone from the misery. Then start a strike in the company by convincing few more employees of the company. Media will give the event a good coverage and this will drag attention of the whole country towards you.
Who will now afford denying you the choicest job?
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