Business Terms Demystified
Business terms have special meanings in Nepal. Below is a list of such terms and their explanation in Nepali context.
Advertisement : A concept copied from abroad, especially from India, ordered by company managers to be fabricated by an agency. It is a tool used by business to get money out of people that don’t have it to have something that they don’t need.
FCA : Friendly and Cheap Accountant. A person that is expert in creating many separate sets of book accounts or registers of the company to be presented separately to the taxman, bankman and partnerman.
Bank : An institution that lends you money when you don’t need it and wants that back when you need it the most, where most of the management students aspire to go to work, which most of the businessmen want to own and which armed groups feel secure to rob.
Bear Market : The time when kids get no extra pocket money, the wife gets no new jewelry and the husband gets no snack to go with his beer.
Stock Broker : The person that makes money for himself from the risk you take.
Budget : A written proof that you can read when you feel bored and want some funny things.
Bull Market : A random market movement that causes an investor to mistake himself to be Warren Buffet or at least Nirmal Pradhan.
Cash Flow : The movement of your money down the drain.
Sheep & Crow : Investors of Nepal’s stock market where buying and selling takes place when most of the investors get some rumours or when they know some others are buying or selling certain company’s shares.
CEO : Chief Expensive Officer.
CFO : Chief Fund Officer.
EPS : Earning Per Silly.
Cross holding : A business house having import, export, trading and manufacturing business as well as owning a bank, a finance company and an insurance company.
Financial Planner : A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
Institutional Investor : Past year’s investor who is now locked up in a mental institute.
Market Correction : A term the authorities in Nepal use for a stock market crash.
Momentum Investing : The fine art of buying high and selling low.
P/E Ratio : The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
Profit : Something your client makes if he does not pay you the bill and you make if you don’t pay the bill to your supplier.
Gainer & loser : Your life in a nutshell.
Stock Analyst : An idiot who just downgraded your company’s stock.
Value Investing : The art of buying low and selling lower.
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