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 Good news or Bad news?
As a result of the new political development in the country, you will soon notice some changes in our newspapers - some of these changes have already occurred. Examples of such current and forthcoming headlines and news report intros are listed here for your convenience:
1. Good news for the economy: YCL went on a month-long vacation.
2. An employer addressed a gathering of his employees with the following words: “The bad days of the economy ended back in March of 2008! Be sure to pass that news on to all of your unemployed friends. Do you know what that means? The past ten years of bandh, extortions, job layoffs and corporate bankruptcies were the good times. Bad days are yet to come.”
3. Yesterday the Finance Minister said he would be willing to serve another term. His terse explanation was: ‘Where else would I get a job in this economy?’
4. Here is good news followed by some bad news: “If they form the government, the Maoists have an economic plan which will create hundreds of thousands of new jobs. The bad news is that all the new jobs will be given to People’s Liberation Army soldiers.”
5. According to reliable sources, the Maoists no longer need Ministry of Finance. It’s not that they don’t want one, but since there isn’t any money left in the treasury they’ve realized that they are not going to gain anything by having a Finance Ministry.
6. Excerpt from an editorial: “In the Loktantra our job is to vote. That’s what the politicians call it, a job. And considering the way economy is going today, that may be the only job we have.”
7. Excerpt from another op-ed article: “All the opposition leaders are saying that the Maoists’ economic plan has zero chance of working. This means they all agree that the Maoists have an economic plan.” Really !
8. According to a recent study, poor supply of food grains can actually be good for you because this induces other people to stock food and eat more so they will get fat and you will get slimmer. According to the Ministry of Supplies this is a special programme they have launched in association with the Ministry of Health under a comprehensive new Health Care Plan.
9. Another excerpt from an op-ed article: “How much do you think the CA members get as salary? They now make Rs. 500,000 per person a year. Multiply that by 601, the total strength of the CA, and you get the total amount that the country has to pay. But don’t worry, it will stimulate the economy. That money will eventually trickle down to you through the liquor and cigarette stores, the hookers, car and consumer durables importers, the casinos ...”
10. Almost everyday the Maoist leaders are holding meetings with the business community. Before leaving the meeting hall they are saying only this: “We believe that all of you will love our economic policies... failing to do so may land you in jail.”
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