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Bold New Economic Order
Politiconomists, theorists and government ministers at a press conference at the Department of Superinformation declared that Nepal is emerging as a fast-paced, highly efficient new economy that will be the envy of the economies the world over.
Kantipuri Nagari, Baisakh Ek 2062
On the occasion, different ministers announced new economic stimulus plans initiated by their respective ministry. "We really have a chance to rewrite the economic history of the country with these steps," thundered the Chief Guest, Professor and Dr. (PraDa) Tul Prasad Giridhari, the mastermind behind the new initiatives. "It's a great time to be an economist at this hour," he added with a twinkle in his eyes, apparently hoping for the Ignoble Prize in Economics this year.
Under the new economic order, as explained by PraDa Giridhari, corporations will expedite downsizing and cost-cutting processes starting with blocking the emails and stopping internet access to all their employees, cutting off mobile phone connections and so on. Thus they will not panic or be distracted by what is happening elsewhere, and can concentrate on their jobs at hand. He also informed that the cost cutting measures would be adopted at an individual level as well beginning with barring the travel of those who travel much, such as the human rights and political activists. "With this they will not only save their ticket expenses, but will also avoid travel fatigue and thus contemplate more on their mission and watch on Nepal Television the good things happening in the country after the new economic order is introduced."
What the Superinformation Minister brought out on the occasion was even more fantastic. He said that the government-owned corporations would be banned from using private media for advertisement. He said, "By doing this our corporations will save a lot of ad budget, and will start reporting fantastic profits from the end of this fiscal year itself." To promote private media, the Minister announced a separate programme under which special grants would be provided to all those private media that carry news provided by the army only. "This will have a double effect," he said, adding, "while they will have an assured income to carry on with their profession, they will save costs which they otherwise would have to incur in searching for the news stories."
"What's really exciting is that something like 59 percent of the adult Nepalis own different coupons of different products like iron rods, biscuits and noodles which directly has a positive impact on their psyche and savings, and its effect on the economy as a whole will be instantaneous," said Arthur Rana, the Minister of 'No Aid, No Budget', as it is now known after changing the earlier name of the Ministry of Finance, in the elegant re-branding exercise that lasted two whole months. "We are looking for different options to enhance the productivity in the economy," he added and suggested the shutting off of the lights during the evenings and nights to increase national savings. The new economic plan will also create millions of new jobs in the army and police forces.
The Minister further said , "Such a new economic order and its radical economic plans are expected to lead to a permanent economic growth as achieved in North Korea or in Ethiopia . Well, how does the new economic order differ from its predecessor? According to the Guru of American Gharana, more and more labourers, including from the army and police forces, will be sent abroad for jobs like digging ditches, fixing roads and so on. And those who can't go abroad will also be provided with some other hard work like sleeping on the Tundikhel grounds.
In the conference it was also announced that the recession that was gripping the economy had ended during last February. "The proof is that, no media is reporting that the economy is in recession, and the businessmen are also saying that it is like heaven now as there is peace everywhere," said the In-dust-Try Minister.
When asked about the low level of consumer spending at present, the Minister said that "not spending" is equal to "saving," and therefore, it is good for the country which has low saving as one of the economic problems. In a question about the future growth of the economy the minister of 'No Aid, No Budget' said, "As we are trying to simplify the numbers, we are looking for a single digit growth."
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