Vol. 3 :: No. 9 September, 2001 (Bhadra-Ashoj)

Management

Controlling Conflict, Stress and Anger at Work

The dynamics of conflict and stress plays as increasingly important role in the analysis of management in an organisation. No organisation can avoid conflicts and stresses, which frequently bring frustration among the employees. An average employee sees himself or herself physically fit and in good health. As one can differentiate him or her from others at work, when the employee knowingly or unknowingly expresses some conflicts or stresses. Conflict of interest, personal styles, reactions to threats, and cognitive distortions are the conflict behaviour.

And stress is a set of circumstances under which an individual cannot respond adequately or instrumentally to environmental stimuli, or can so respond only at the cost of excessive wear and tear on the organism – for example, chronic fatigue, tension, worry, physical damage, nervous breakdown, or loss of self-esteem.

Conflicts, stresses, emotions and anger are the psychological aspects which play a significant role in managerial behaviour, if not properly and timely controlled, career could be ruined without a prior information.

A smooth progression in your career and fulfillment of your expectations do not always occur in reality and you might get frustrated at any moment at your work. In order not to let conflicts surround you, you should understand and properly analyze your team’s needs.

If you disagree with a team member, encourage him to take you seriously by showing you take his position seriously. If, for example, a team member proposes a new software system that you believe is inappropriate, don’t say, "That will never work for us." Instead, explain how you feel and why: "I’m concerned that this system is too complicated. You said data entry people will have to use as many as four different screens to input a single record." In that statement, you’ve expressed your opinion, and you’ve referred back to something your teammate said earlier. That shows you’ve paid attention to his comments.

l Don’t let conflicting team members bring up old issues to build their case. Example: "The problem is, she’s rude. She’s never said ‘Good morning’ to me during the three years I’ve worked with her." Make them focus on the current problem. Pull the team members back to the issue by asking, "What’s the problem today?"

l Quell conflict during meetings with the word "what." As each person voices an opinion, ask a clarifying question that starts with "What." Examples: "What makes you ask?" "What bothers you about Jill’s comment?" "What’s another way to look at this issue?"

l Conflict often flares when someone feels the group isn’t taking his/her comments seriously. Arguing parties generally drop their hostility when asked to clarify their positions.

l Encourage team members to resolve conflicts by asking them to complete the following statements:

Ø This is what I would like to change about the current situation:

Ø This is what I’m willing to do to bring about that change:

Ø This is the only thing I won’t back down on:

Reasons: You need to know how entrenched the conflict has become, if neither party is willing to concede a major point, you have your work cut out for you. If the team members are holding their ground on minor issues, address them immediately and save everyone a lot of aggravation.

Don’t let angry buyers rattle you though you’re stressed with their attitudes and behavior. In some cases buyers may try to use your emotions – usually anger – to force you to make concessions you normally wouldn’t consider.

Here are three techniques to handle buyers who try using anger to manipulate you:

* Take a break. A change in time and place can change the negotiation landscape. So ask to consult with your boss or reschedule the meeting.

* Listen silently. Let the customer rant and rave. Don’t nod your head or say "uh-huh." Maintain eye contact and a neutral expression, but don’t reinforce the customer’s behaviour. Then, the tirade’s over, suggest a more constructive approach.

* React openly. React openly to the customer’s anger. Let the customer know you find it unproductive. Then suggest focussing on a specific, non-emotional issue. Don’t rush the process, or you risk backing the customer into a corner. But don’t be timid – assert yourself.

Warning: Using any of these techniques could alienate the buyer, causing negotiations to collapse. So use them only as a last resort. But if the discussion is out of control, these tactics could save a seemingly hopeless situation.

Learn to channel your emotions constructively

Angry outbursts at work can shatter a pleasant, productive atmosphere. Whether it’s you or your boss who can’t control a temper, everyone suffers – and stress levels rise all round.

How to handle office rage

* Any outburst of emotion at work should be regarded as a warning signal and should be considered carefully, experts advise. You can’t learn to control emotional excess if you don’t try to understand why you are feeling that way.

* Ask why you are angry and consider how to deal with the cause. In many cases, the sources of anger can lie in feelings of conflict with another person at work. Acknowledge this if that is the case, and coolly consider how to move on rather than dwell on the situation.

* Resist the temptation to explode at work – it might feel better out than in, but invariably you will end up directing your anger at the innocent, either at home or in the office. If your boss is the cause of a problem, don’t blame your secretary because she or he is a "softer" target.

* Where possible, approach a trusted colleague to discuss feelings of frustration contributing to your anger and use their feedback to identify causes and formulate a cure. The best remedy is to devise a way of channeling your anger constructively. For example, construct a plan – doing something feels better than festering.

* Above all, try to ensure you are not overly work-focused. People who are more work-absorbed tend to get angry at work far more quickly than those who cultivate a more balanced perspective on life.

Some Useful Suggestions

* Secretaries and PAs should not just introduce themselves with a smile, they should also say their full name and greet people with a firm handshake, just as their boss would do.

* Slow everything down. Control your nerves by deep breathing and talking slowly.

* When actors find themselves in an embarrassing situation, or facing something they dread, they remind themselves that nothing lasts forever and that there will be no disastrous outcome in the long run.

* A few simple deep breaths in private can help to prepare you for a stressful meeting – you can make faces in the mirror in the washroom as well, this is another effective tension-reducer.

* Warm up your voice before you go to work – if you have to address people, singing and chanting helps.

* Keep your mouth loose – as if you were in the dentist’s chair – when a conversation is starting to annoy you.

* "Take the stage" before you speak – capture attention first by giving people time to look at you before they listen.

* Feeling upset, close to tears? Breathe, breathe, and breathe. Repeat the "nothing lasts for ever" mantra.

* Convey points clearly and concisely, or you will lose your audience. Less is more in presentations.

* Make you voice "hilly" as you speak – if you change your tone and pitch, you will keep your audience engaged.

* Listen with attention, as an actor would do. Develop the "listening muscle".

* Practice being spontaneous – take a risk sometimes and say "yes" to new ideas.

* Finally, don’t feel that you have to leave your personality behind when you go to work – instead, resolve to make the most of the best side of it.

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